Most Unromantic Valentine’s Day Gifts

With all the wonderful, lovey-dovey atmosphere of the Valentine’s Day its easy to feel overwhelmed with a sense of cuteness overload. It is also a source of great stress when it comes to the way couples are bombarded with advertisements. How do you pick the perfect present that says your significant other is the best thing that ever happened to you? Well its certainly easy for some couples, but for many its a real nightmare trying to pick the right flowers, restaurant and atmosphere.

Top that with the ham-handed approach of some companies trying to sell romantic or even sexy products, borderline tacky and confusing products and you have a perfect recipe for a lot of frustration. So after some digging around the wonderful depths of the internet I managed to find some curious, unorthodox and sometimes even downright hilarious products sold by companies for Valentine’s. Let’s find out what amazing and unforgettable gifts are available on the market for the next lovely day we want to make our significant other cringe or squeal in surprise on Valentine’s day:

Edible Meat Underwear
Because nothing says I love you like a pair off briefs made of beef jerky. Apparently even you can create this masterpiece of a present that will make your loved one’s heart flutter with romantic glee. You can construct this meaty piece of art using materials from the closest food store or if you feel inclined you can even buy them on Etsy. Custom-made and special in every possible way. Your’re guaranteed to enjoy a very interesting evening.

Inappropriate stuffed animals
While its true flowers are a universal choice for everyone on Valentine’s Day nothing gets the point across like giving subtle hints in the form of a plushy. Stuffed pigs, snakes and other uncharacteristic members of the animal kingdom can really become the perfect vessel for your message. It helps even more if the animal in question is attached to a witty remark such as “I oink you”. You will certainly blow your loved one away. My personal favorite remains the plush snake, it definitely makes one feel appreciated.

A terrible card
You know the kind of cards we used to make in kindergarten? The horrible drawings and doodles that invoked a reaction only described as an affectionate “Awwww!” out of our parents? Well this is probably very original in a matter of speaking, however the amount of witty cards out there can certainly count as something hardly romantic. Then again it all depends, hand-crafted cards can be fun, depending on your inclination and lack of art sense. Once again you can find these amazing masterpieces on Etsy.

A tattoo
Although this might seem like a lovely idea at first we often see horrid examples of tattoos gone wrong. Certainly nothing will make you remember your loved one fondly years down the line as you look upon your spontaneous and awful decision. Sort of like the one made by the wife of the Russian tattoo artist Ruslan Toumaniantz, who did this barely 24 hours after they got married. You go girl!

Exercise equipment
If you want to give a subtle hint, and I mean subtle like the subtlety of a Mack truck crashing through a store window you can always go with this classic. What better way to let your loved one know they must regain their Apolonian or Venus-like figure so they can impress you once more. Combine this with an effective book on dieting and you’re bound to give one of the most unromantic presents ever.

By picking any of the listed above “romantic” presents, you are definitely going to create a magical and long-remembered moment in your sweetheart’s life. There is only slight possibility of that to be the last time when you are seeing your significant other. Do not be surprised if your sweetheart start packing her bags to Aldgate after a Valentine’s presents like the above listed.


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1 Comment

  1. February 20, 2013 at 12:19 pm — Reply

    Just the thought of people giving these gifts is bad enough. I would guess that the companies that make these products probably sell like gangbusters though.

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